death, minimalism, changes

Death and minimalism can really change you. And maybe they shouldn’t mix. Or should they? This is probably my most rambliest, pointless post ever. Don’t read it.

I found out about the Minimalism Game ages ago. At that time I didn’t really need to do it. I was on top of my shit so I figured I didn’t have enough stuff to toss. It seemed like a really good idea though and I wished I had discovered it sooner.

And then a best friend suddenly passed away and I lost all will and motivation to continue with my morning and evening routines. I lost my cleaning routines as well. The apartment kind of went to shit. I went to shit. (it’s been over a year, I still haven’t picked these things back up)

And then I had a hot, rough summer (shut up, I can never get used to a 100+ degree apartment with no A/C, I’VE TRIED). It was so hot last summer that I complained constantly on FB. I’M STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT IT. So I was a slimy lazy woozy blob for months and months. My wardrobe expanded as I collected cool alt fashion items, including lots of Lolita stuff, thinking “maybe it’ll be cool enough to wear this next week”. It didn’t get cool enough until this past monthish. Now I’m seething mad, I feel like most of my clothes I can only wear for a short period of time during the year. That feels like a waste of money, time, closet space, and sanity.

And then another friend died. I wasn’t as close with that one but it slowed me down a bit as I was trying to ramp back up. And then at the end of last month… a dear friend was, well… it’s been ruled as a homicide. This destroyed me in a way I had never before felt. I didn’t even realize I was capable of feeling like this.

The next day was March 1st. I was somehow reminded of the Minimalism Game and figured… now would be a good time to do the game. I gotta keep my mind busy. I’m dead inside so it’ll be easier to get rid of things (totally not concerned about “Better” Future Me, as usual). I felt like doing the full 31 days wasn’t as important as doing as much as I needed to, and I’m happy with that choice so far. And I figured I wouldn’t do day-to-day because I know me: I’d lose motivation, I’d get horribly depressed, I’d forget, I’d fall behind. So I did the first 15 days on day 1. This past Friday I did day 16.

I like to take advantage of my motivation when I can and this time I think I got a bit carried away because I think I accidentally did days 12 and 15 twice.

In the next days I’ll be seeing how much more I can knock out. I’m saving my wardrobe for last. I have some kitchen stuff I can ditch. I have some tarot decks I’d love to give away so I’ve got a growing pile set aside until I can do that.

The Minimalism Game really actually started feeling like a game after only a few days in. I’d start a pile for whatever “day” I was working on and my reward for finishing would be getting rid of the pile so it wouldn’t be in my stupid fucking life anymore. So finding things to add to it was fun. It made me search harder for things to toss. It made me throw out things that would have been “maybe” before. It’s been pretty fun!

I haven’t felt the need to “cheat” yet, which feels good. For example, I saw people counting individual items in a set as individual items instead of as a set. I threw out some old stitch markers but counted them all as one item because I didn’t want any of them. But when I threw out a ton of crochet hooks I counted each individually because there were plenty of hooks I needed to keep. Does that make sense? If I threw out a deck of playing cards, I’d count it as one item, not 52. When I declutter dishes from my purple dish set, each one I toss will be an individual item because I will keep a few. Every little decorative paper bat that falls off the wall is counted as an individual item because there’s still some hanging onto the wall that I went to keep. I did it this way because I knew it would force me to really dig into my junk and clear it out.

I feel like all these personal losses have made me think about possessions in a different light. I also feel like my style is toning down, changing, taking on a simpler version of me. I’ve rediscovered my teenage/young adult joy of wearing the same outfit for “too long”. I love all sorts of styles of clothes but I think a part of me has lost most of my interest in my really cool clothes and in exploring alt fashion with the same passion I had before.

I feel like I can finally let go of stuff that’s been haunting me this past year. Sure I could shove all those things away and get them out when the weather is right (a couple months a year?), or until I move to a more reasonable place… but naw. Fuck it. It could be years before we escape.

I’m trying to be careful and rational about all this. “What if you toss that awesome dress/ball of yarn/incomplete project/platform boots that’s awesome and you love and then you start feeling better and you realize what you’ve done and you regret it?” is constantly on my mind.

But I remind myself that I’m uncomfortable with the number of clothes I have right now. I was in such a good place with my closet last year and I miss that. I’ll keep some Lolita, some gothic, some etc. But I have to remind myself that I can’t wear a lot of it as much as I’d like to and I don’t mind wearing the same outfit for several days, so why live with that nagging “too much” feeling?

I know I could live with an “ultra-minimalist” wardrobe. You know, one of those bare bones, 20, items or less wardrobes. I love seeing people show off those types of wardrobes. I’ve experimented with that concept. I really like it. But if you asked me a few months ago, I would have said I didn’t want to do it because I was having fun experimenting with outfits. Now I feel like I don’t care. I had my fill. It doesn’t feel important anymore.

Maybe I’ll have a change of heart before I get to my closet during this game. Or maybe I’ll go all in and I’ll be able to fit my entire wardrobe in one suitcase like I once did when we moved here 3 years ago. But I’m usually really good at knowing when I’m actually done with something.

Well, that was a heck of a ramble. I think I’ll sign off here. I’m thinking about getting back into blogging more. I’ve been discovering awesome new (to me) music, maybe I’ll start Music Mondays again.

If you read all this… wtf is wrong with you. I love you for your tenacity and admire your attention span… but wtf is wrong with you.



the life changing magic of shaving your head

I had a rough summer. It was just too hot. I spent most of my time wearing as few stitches as possible in our bedroom with the air conditioner on where, on the hottest of days, the room only cooled to 94 degrees. I don’t take heat well and I feel like the older I get, the worse I feel in it. Not being able to escape the heat led to a huge lack of productivity and I lost my sense of minimalism. The only “good” thing to come from the heat was I lost a few pounds due to lack of appetite to eat and energy to cook.

But we’re having some cooler days here and there and I’m trying to catch up on housework and get back into hobbies and we got a cat and… I shaved my head!



full face of Kat von D makeup

Wow, y’all. I finally did it. There’s a few things I’ve been wanting to do to my hair ever since I was a teen and this is one of them. It’s only been a couple weeks but I don’t want to go back. I’ve been making a list of the benefits, most that I discovered within the first 24 hours. As you’ll see from this list I have spent a lot of time and energy dealing with my hair in all aspects possible:

  • One of the biggest benefits: my scalp immediately stopped hurting and it hasn’t hurt since. I’m soooo relieved! It was really bad for about 2 weeks before I shaved and it was so nice to have it instantly be better.
  • I don’t have to put my hair up when it’s hot. No miserable hot neck and shoulders with hair sticking to it.
  • I don’t have to deal with hair when I cook (OR eat!)
  • I don’t have to deal with hair when I take a bath and shower, before, during, or after. I hated loose hairs tangling my fingers and sticking all over my body. I was cleaning the drain out at least twice a week and our tub always drains slow.
  • I don’t have to deal with my hair when I go to bed. I love not being strangled in my sleep, not getting it pulled/rolled on/stepped on by me/my husband/my cat.
  • I can much more comfortably wear earrings, necklaces, and my own wedding ring (it would snag while washing my hair)
  • Pulling clothes over my head is just… it’s fine now. No hassle. Nothing getting caught, etc.
  • no more annoying hairs tickling my face/body/poking me in the eyes, especially when the fan is on me
  • No more hair for my glasses to eat, pull at or otherwise trap between my eyeballs and frames. Oh, sweet relief.
  • I feel so much cooler, temperature wise. I noticed the difference immediately.
  • I also look so much cooler (IMHO). I’ve never really been happy with my hair and rarely liked how I looked on the whole. That doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore! I feel like a new person.
  • Somehow I actually look better with makeup and no hair even with my subpar makeup skills. And I feel like I’m having an easier, funner time with makeup.
  • wearing wigs was always such a huge pain and not worth it, but now they’re a lot easier!
  • My husband said I look more androgynous and that’s the best compliment I’ve possibly ever gotten in my entire life
  • I can knit and crochet (and do other projects) without having to stop to pick hair out of the yarn/project. This will take a little time
  • Identity crisis adverted – shortly before shaving I gave myself bangs and while it was sometimes really cute when styled the right way it made me feel weird and wasn’t completely “me”. This shaved head feels much more “me” than that.
  • I don’t have to worry about maintaining it! and whether it looks ok or not. I don’t have to see something I hate every time I look in the mirror. I’ll add “no more old crappy hair dye” to this point. I had 3 or so years of different box dye buildup that I’ve been trying to fade, with no success. It really has been looking awful. And it was just so damaged and full of endless split ends.
  • many minimalist benefits: I can get rid of a lot of hair doodads and products and don’t have to worry about buying any new ones. But as long as I’m in the lolita fashion I’m going to have a couple wigs and things to maintain/style them. Cleaning the floors is going to take less time and energy. The tub problem I mentioned earlier.

And now for the downsides:

  • My head gets cold really easily now. On chillier nights I sleep with my Threadbanger beanie. It’s really comfortable and I like that it covers my ears, so no biggie. I can deal with the cold outside with scarves, hats, and wigs.
  • It gets a bit hot and I worry about sunburn. I almost always have my UV parasol anyway. But wearing a hat in this heat is not fun and I’m guessing a wig would be 10x worse.

I’m sure there will be more things to add to the list over time. I can think of one more thing to add to each list but haven’t experienced them yet.

You could take any 2 of the positives and compare them to the 2 negatives and I would still have no reason to not keep it shaved. I don’t see myself growing it out anytime soon. I’m guessing maybe I’ll buzz it back down once a month?


Lolita fashion review: Bodyline l579 in green

I’m not really sure how much this review is wanted or needed. I also don’t know if there’s a better place for it (maybe I’ll mirror it on Tumblr). But I like reading reviews before I buy something so I’ll post this on the off chance that it helps someone.


Angelic Pretty blouse, shoes from Amazon, socks are off brand

Here is the JSK in question. I brain farted big time (I’m getting over a flu thing) and didn’t take a photo of it by itself.

  • Dress price: ¥2,665
  • Tax and some other charge: ¥426
  • Grand total: ¥3,913
  • Date ordered: July 19, 2017
  • Date shipped: ??? It’s a bit confusing.
  • Date arrived: August 5th
  • Shipping Method: Japan Post – Airmail(10-90 days)

I ordered a size large (34″ish bust, 29″ish waist) and it fits perfectly! I really liked all the colors but there was only one green left in my size. I’m kind of glad I didn’t have to choose.

At the time of writing this post I see that the cost of the dress went up. It’s now roughly the price I paid including shipping. What’s with the jump?! Anyway, I paid roughly $40 total for this dress. I’m quite pleased with it overall and I’d happily pay for the new, inflated price but I’d be a bit peeved if I knew I missed a lower price. Of course.

On to some detail shots!


This detachable bow and the moon were what tipped me over the edge. Unfortunately, the moon had fallen off during transit so I had to super glue it back on. And then I didn’t know until after I had it for a bit that the moon was supposed to be on a separate pin. No clue where the pin is now!


Further down the bodice… The white lace is just ok. I’ve felt softer and rougher. The design is forgettable but it does add a nice enough touch. The gold cord(?) is a super nice touch. It really adds a lot, ties in with the dress as a whole, and I love that it’s layered on top of the white lace. I’m real pleased with that.


Shirring and lacing is fine. I like that the lacing goes through actual loops instead of through the eyelets of more lace, like some dresses do. You’ll also notice the bodice is unlined, per Bodyline’s usual standard. The skirt is unlined as well. The straps are adjustable.


Here’s the trim at the bottom. Again, the gold cord is layered over the white stuff BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! That lovely goldish trim is rather lovely. It’s ruffly and flouncy and stretchy and soft. You can kind of tell that it has some metallic shiny type spots to it, giving it more of an actual gold appearance. This triple layering of trim delights me on some sort of strange level.


Here’s a little sampling of the art! It’s very cute and childlike. It has a real 80s vibe to it, I think.

I haven’t worn this out yet but I’ve lounged around in it at home, sundress style (no blouse, no petti). It’s very comfortable. The fabric is perfect. The print is clear. I forgot to photograph the ties but they’re detachable. I think there’s a lot of different blouses and cardigans you can wear with this. It’s very forgiving. I think there’s a very Springy feel to this.

I need a better sock choice for this. I like the ones I have but they’re not very lolita at all.

I’ll leave you with a few more pics of coord ideas. I don’t have a lot to play with but here ya go:



Cardigan is Metamorphose


Enter a cYes I only have one pair of lolita shoes why do you ask


Cutsew is Angelic Pretty.


vegan + meal prep + Instant Pot

It’s no secret: I hate cooking. I hate eating. I hate trying to think of what to eat, what I want, and what I should eat. I also have weird food phobias which often results in going hungry + wasting food. I also tend to eat the same one or two meals all week. Because I love them so very hard. But then I want something different for the next week. So I guess this will be a good way of having the riiiiight amount of forced variety.

Basically: Eating is a fucking chore and a bother. If I could take a pill and never have to eat again I would. TLDR, I enjoy good food, I just hate everything to do with food.

I’ve tried this before but was so not motivated. BUT NOW I AM, thanks to this vegan meal prep guide and some new containers. I have 8 of the containers + 2 plastic containers to work with. I hope to get one more set of the nice glass ones next week. That will be a most glorious day indeed.

I tried the meal prep this past week and it went ok. I had to wait to get my containers so it took 2 or 3 days before I was actually done cooking everything. I didn’t like the curry or the cabbage. I knew I wouldn’t like the cabbage but I tried!

I’m typing this up Saturday night, the 22nd, and here’s what I’m doing, step by step:

  1. Started the rice (1 cup rice, 1 1/4 water, 22 min w/NR)
  2. while that was brewing I started assembling my smoothies. I decided to try maca powder (1/2 tsp ’cause I’m a newb), and chia seeds (1 T). This took about 10 minutes. 7 breakfasts done @ $???
  4. Prepared chili while sweet potatoes were cooking. Took about 16 minutes + a couple more to pack the chili up. Could have saved 10 minutes with step 3. Note: I did 2 sweet potatoes and just mushed them straight into the chili. Also, I tried Bush’s chili beans which eliminated the rinsing step and need for the can of tomato sauce. 3 chili lunches done @ $5.58 total not counting spices and rice.
  5. Instead of the curry recipe from the website, I made my lazy teriyaki tofu with jasmine rice. It’s a couple quick minutes to toss together and I cook it for 13 if I add frozen veggies, 12 if no veggies, then QR. 2 tofu dinners w/veggies @ $3.23 total not counting rice)
  6.  For my other lunch I prepared some coconut curry. Because fuck that cabbage lunch. I SHOULD HAVE MADE THIS LAST because boy does it get hot, and I don’t like the idea of packing it right away. 2 curry lunches made @ $5.00??? I don’t feel like crunching those numbers right now either (+ 1 1/2ish extra servings ’cause it’s a big recipe, I had it for dinner)
  7. Pasta! I’m just doing a simple super lazy pasta. 1lb penne, 1 jar of 25.5 ounce sauce (I like Mia’s), enough water to cover it and… maybe 8 minutes. 6 or 7 for al dente because you’ll be reheating these. If you’re up for it you ought to add in some veggies. Carrots and celery are a good bet. I didn’t add them but kept my frozen veggies bag. I ran out of nice glass containers and my plastic ones are grossing me out so I’m just going to shove this into some freezer bags. 3 pasta dinners w/veggies made @ $10ish total (yeah I like expensive sauce)
  8. ENJOY

But wait, what about snacks? I got some Dave’s bread and almond butter for $15.98 total. I’m still working on last week’s bread + vegan “Nutella” which was around the same price. So I’m going to half that and say snacks are $7.99 a week.

Time: 3-5 hours? But it was just a few minutes of actual work here and there.

Cost: $30+. The website that inspired this managed this in under $25 but I live in SoCal and use Amazon Fresh and have some spendy tastes and am counting snacks. And as I said above I’m not counting things like rice, spices, and super hippie dippy powders and seeds and whatnot.

The shopping haul I did for this week was ~$100. $25 was for husband’s mac ‘n cheese and soda. $20 was for maca powder (which will have 100+ servings). I spent about $7 on veggies because I thought I was going to make lentil stew but at the last minute made the curry so now I don’t know what to do with them (oh and my onions were nasty so I tossed them yay food phobias).

Next shopping trip will be even more refined. I NEED to be set on what I’m going to cook. I NEED more nice glass containers. I won’t be needing to buy an expensive thing of maca but I do need to buy more cacao powder and one or 2 spices, preferably in bulk. Those things tend to be the spendiest part of my cooking process.

Tips ‘n tricks?

  • Obvious but worth stating: clean as you go
  • Might not hurt to get an extra liner for the IP, or even an extra IP if you can afford that kind of luxury
  • It may sound like a lot of work. And I’ll be honest and say it is. But not really. Its the Instant Pot. It cooks fast and you don’t have to baby sit it so there’s not that much time on your feet. I could have played some music to pass the time but I wanted to work on this post whenever I sat down, so the music would have been just a few minutes at a time.
  • I’ll add more later. Leaving this post for a day didn’t help me think of anything else but I’m sure there’s something!

OK I guess that’s it for now. I hope this post helps somebody else break into the vegan pressure cooking meal prep world! I’m glad I finally got around to doing it.

Questions, comments, suggestions?

Wardrobe Challenge – 1Dress1Week – Day 7 & wrap up

Welcome to day 7 of my Wear 1 Dress for a Week challenge. Here’s Day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, day 5, and day 6!

Thoughts on yesterday:

Doesn’t seem very different from day 1 but it really was. I’ll be wearing it a lot more, especially in the evenings, air conditioned rooms, and at the movies, where it’s cooler and the flannel will be more appropriate. The pockets are a HUGE help. I was able to carry my phone in one and my wallet in the other.

Today’s outfit:


  • Shoes: Demonia, thrifted
  • Shirt, black necklace: Heavy Red
  • Ankh: Killstar

I tried really hard to find a good shirt to wear under this. Unfortunately, this long sleeve one was the best one that fit my preferred look. I had to dig it out of my cooler weather box but I think it was worth it. Like yesterday’s outfit, this one is best for air conditioned rooms, cool evening walks, and the movies.

I need to figure out what to do about sucks. Some footie socks would be the best. Barefoot wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be though.

Thoughts about this Challenge:

I’ll start by explaining my usual wardrobe setup: I have one outfit crammed on one hanger each. I did little to no switching, mixing, and matching. This was to make it easier to just grab something to wear. Of course, this meant having many individual pieces, but it was worth it for peace of mind.

So then I come along and really force myself to mix ‘n match. It was fun because of the challenge of it but I don’t know if it’s something I want to keep up. I’m thinking about trying to prepare the next day’s outfit every night before bed so maybe if I go about it that way I’ll be just as happy as if I do my One Hanger, One Outfit plan.

Scoreboard of Used items:

  • Shirts: 3
  • Shorts: 1
  • Coverups: 1
  • Socks used: 1
  • Shoes used: 4
  • Hose used: 2
  • Accessories used: 8

So I used 20 items total. I am not counting the tube top or the floral print shorts because those are pretty much “underwear” with this dress.

I could ditch some things but at that point, I lose interesting things that show my personality. If I wanted to go on a trip and pack light I could go down to 2 pairs of shoes (probably the flats and holo boots).

Things I learned:

  1. It’s easier to do than I thought
  2. Accessories are more important than I realized
  3. I have a lot of clothes that aren’t as comfortable as I thought
  4. I learned how to spot basic layer pieces
  5. How IMPORTANT basic layer pieces are
  6. Not quite as terrible having limited choices as I thought
  7. A little hair/makeup is more important than I care to think about
  8. This challenge is good for learning what you can get rid of and making you think more minimally
  9. Handwashing isn’t painful

Things I dumped because of this challenge:

  • 4 other black dresses, with varying degrees of basicness
  • Sort of indirectly: But I have a pair of Demonia boots I may get rid of

Things I want because of this challenge:

  1. Another slip dress, but different color to provide more styling choices/expression, and reduce washing and wear
  2. Galaxy print socks or leggings to wear with the Galaxy outfit
  3. A better pair of boots to replace the Demonias if I do (they’ll go with more outfits I think)
  4. I really want to do more with my hair/makeup but I’m soooo lazy and bad at it

Soooo I think that’s it!

What did you think of this challenge? Would you/have you done it? Tell me about it!

What challenge should I do next? I’m thinking a skirt or shirt!



Wardrobe Challenge: 1dress1week – Day 6

Welcome to day 6 of my Wear 1 Dress for a Week challenge. Here’s Day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, and day 5!

ONE MORE DAY LEFT. I’m kind of bummed out about that. I have 2 or 4 ideas left so who knows what I’ll do tomorrow. I’m thinking about doing a similar challenge next week, but with a skirt.

Thoughts from yesterday:

No new thoughts since I didn’t get to wear it very long but it really is seriously a great outfit. Still haven’t decided what kind of shoes would go better though.

Today’s outfit:


  • Shoes: Current Mood
  • Flannel: My mom actually made it back in the 90s! It was a gift for my dad but then her dad ended up with it and now I have it, yay!
  • Necklace: The one from Griffith Observatory again
  • Socks: The Obey socks again

I have really been looking forward to wearing this outfit. I wore it at least one before, with some thick thigh high socks and garters. It’s too warm for that AND a flannel. But man oh man is this comfortable. And I don’t know why but the phrase “trash mammal” really comes to me with this. I LOVE IT.



Wardrobe Challenge: 1Dress1Week – day 5

Welcome to day 5 of my Wear 1 Dress for a Week challenge. Here’s Day 1, day 2, day 3, and day 4!

Thoughts on yesterday:

Since I didn’t get to wear it all day due to feeling crappy, I don’t think I can add any new thoughts. I’m still wanting to get galaxy print leggings or socks though.

Today’s outfit:


  • Shorts: Dollskill
  • Boots: Ironfist
  • Necklace: Griffith Observatory

Today I really felt like lounging in my jammies but I did actually put this outfit on long enough to make sure it looked good. And it does! I like how simple and almost sleek this outfit is. The shoes… I think there are better shoes out there for this outfit, but I don’t own them. I’d love some suggestions!